The Meaning of Blog

I dreamed of a Christmas Day. All of my friends came to my house and put their presents on the table, and everyone took turns taking one. I left the room to get my offering of presents, but I took too long, and when I came back, awkwardly carrying a pile of gifts in my arms, the table was empty, and everyone had gone.

The dream broke into pieces: In one, my body went limp and I dropped everything on the floor, crushing chocolate and plastic and wrapping paper. In another, I placed the gifts carefully on the table anyway and left. In another, I just stood there, unmoving for ages, as if hoping someone would still come.

 

~

 

I feel like this a lot lately O.o Basically because I feel like no one listens to me– like when I talk, sometimes it’s just like I haven’t said anything at all– but of course I know that’s just silly :P Everyone feels that way sometimes. Apparently I just happen to feel that way now ;D I think it’s just come to the surface lately because I already get this weird, mild sense of exclusion when I can’t eat the food other people eat. We’re wrapping things up for the semester at the moment, so people have been bringing in celebratory chocolate and whatnot– which is fine though it is a bit like trying to quit smoking in a world FULL of smokers ;D But I guess I just feel odd sitting there with my bag of unsalted mixed nuts while everyone else enjoys eating rainbows of m’n'ms :P It’s hard to explain ^^” But realise it’s silly… so feel free to disregard everything I just said :3 Lol!

 

Anyway, I’m actually in a terribly good mood today because I just got accepted to write in the National Young Writers’ Month travelling story, which is a chain story to be published in the next issue of Voiceworks (Theme– Copy/Paste) :D Basically I’ll have a day to write 100 of 3000 words in a chain story that’s going all over Australia to be completed. It’s basically the coolest thing ever.

 

They’ve asked me to give them a short bio and a link to a blog/twitter account if I have one though, which has prompted me consider what I really want this blog to be. I write it for two reasons: one is to vent all my emotions and whatnot. The other is kind of more about a quiet rebellion against the idea that I can’t just trust everyone with even my darkest thoughts. But this blog doesn’t exactly emit a professional image. I write like I speak on my blog– not how I write. And I mostly just write about my emotional state… and let’s face it: my emotions would probably look kind of scary and overly intense to anyone who didn’t know me. This writing is also never drafted, never even considered after I’ve typed it, so I could say plenty of things that aren’t quite what I mean or don’t display the full picture. Is that what I want?

 

I was wondering if I should make a separate ‘Miss Professional Woman Person’ blog to this one, but then I realised that I would have nothing to say on the ‘professional’ one aside from, ‘Now I’m painting something. Now I’m writing a song. Now I’m writing something. Yay!’

 

I guess what I’m more worried about is people judging me by what I say here rather than anything else. And I’m also pretty worried about how people would take my honesty about how I feel about God and stuff. I know most people don’t like hearing about anything remotely religious :P I don’t knowwwww. So I guess I’m happy to keep writing whatever I feel, but I’m not sure what people would mind reading. Then again, they don’t have to read it… *sigh* Well, I come back to my defiance against being ashamed of anything about myself.

 

I’ll probably link to my personal blog xD It seems silly to want to hide anything. And maybe no one’ll read it anyway ;D

 

I’ve gotta go to the office to print off and put up posters advertising the Art Journal in a minute, (the publication I made last year for people living with me on campus) and I’m really reluctant to go out into the cold xD I’m pretty excited about this one though, because (since I’m expanding it to include both the Hall and the Village we can’t afford to print that many copies) I’m making an eBook version this year. I’m hoping to really suit it to the medium though and make it more interactive. I’m undecided about including music :3 It’s going to be so much work, lol! But I think it’ll be great :]

 

I’m also seeing Luke tonight. For literally no reason aside from wanting to see each other. It’s going to be lovely. I just have to do my cleaning job, the art journal business and read a novel by evening, and then I’m good! Heh. I probs shouldn’t see him right now considering the semester is ending with a bang as always, but I effing miss him.

 

Here’s a song about mangos :D

 

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=1570134452045

 

(I have no idea if that link will work.)

 

Have a great day :D

 

Miranda

So Hey, I’m Okay :D

Hi!

 

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while– yes, I’m going to start with that line– especially after leaving you with a big fat ‘despaiiirrrrrr’ post. It’s just hard to justify blogging a lot of the time, when I have so much crap to do and still want more time to spend with the lovely love of my life ;D Mmmmmmm. Luke.

 

Anyway, so not long after I wrote my last post, about how I thought I might lose an important part of myself to lame-face long-term illness, I went to a maaaagical doctor (a naturopath actually, but I envision her more as some form of miracle worker) and she looked at my eyes and told me everything that was wrong with me and what I should do about it :] Basically, I’m now on a no-sugar-no-yeast-minimal-milk-no-various-other-things-like-sultanas-and-tomatoes diet. IT’S HARD O_O I really enjoy sugar. And it’s in EVERYthing, and it’s EVERYwhere :P But I also have my life back, and my mind back, and my body back. It’s effing… amazing. I was almost immediately better after I started the diet too. I can’t describe it properly to anyone who hasn’t experienced something like it, but damn, cherish every moment you’re not in any pain. It’s heaven. It’s effing freedom.

 

Before I stopped eating sugar, I thought most fruits were really sour too, but now they taste mind-spinningly sweet. So interesting! :D

 

Of course, it’s two weeks now since I started this strictly-no-flavour diet, and it’s getting old ;D I’m aware that it’s amazing to be healthy again, but I don’t have the same immediate gratification for my hard work resisting delicious food. I couldn’t remember what it was like not to feel sick when I was sick, and now I’m healthy, all I can remember about feeling sick is just the firm knowledge that ‘it was very bad and is to be avoided at all costs’. So now I’m looking for more perks to eating nothing but seeds and leaves: I’m waiting to lose weight ;D

 

I can’t be sure because I don’t own scales, but as far as my appearance goes, I haven’t lost any weight yet with this massively different diet! D: Come onnnnnn xD If I can’t have pancakes, I should at least be physically perfect :P Anyway, I’d love to be slim like a model, or a gazelle or something, but I’m actually fairly accepting of most of my body (most of the time) except for my belly bump. That’s the first thing I want to see go. Then my fat arms. Then my thighs. Yyyeaaahhhhh. Oh, but I had a point– and that point is, I recently learned that the type of belly bump I have, which is low on ma belleh, is most likely a result of stress. Sound likely in my case? Yes it effing does :P

 

So really, all of my least favourite health problems are caused by stress.

…

I’m lost on a solution. I’m not stopping doing all the awesome things I get to do! D: And I can’t see how I can stress less without making more time to relax. So… oh well? :P

 

In other news… I have a friend who’s doing drugs. WTH. I’ve known people on drugs before, lol. But I guess I just never expected it from this kid. He was such a sweetie, and now he’s being a meanface to his family and generally throwing his (massive amazing potential) life away. He used to be so bright and beautiful, laughing at my jokes even when he was sad. And the last time I saw him, it was like all his spirit was drowned somewhere deep inside him, just a glimmer of it peeking distantly out of his eyes. So I wrote him a cheerful song asking him to stop with the drugs and stuff (‘Drugs don’t love you as much as I do~ And I won’t kill any of your brain cells~’) but I haven’t had an opportunity to record it and send it his way. On one hand I think he can get out of it, and be better again, for sure. On the other hand he can never get back that parts of himself that he dulls every time he uses. And he’s being quite the meanface. That’s what I really don’t understand. I never thought he had that sort of thing in him. Well anyway, I’ma prayin’ and stuff. It’s all I can do from here, and God and I are pretty down, so I’m hoping it’ll help. I really am.

 

Speaking of God, I actually found myself thanking Him the other night for putting me through those terrible last few months of illness, if only because I can now understand someone else’s experience of it when I couldn’t before, and maybe I can help someone one day, just by getting it. It was always such an amazing help to just have someone who really understood how effing hard it was. I just needed someone to go, ‘Yes, that really is hard,’ so I didn’t have to wonder if I just couldn’t hack it. And it was another reminder that He was with me. All of the challenges in my life have been possible to live through because He would always help just before I couldn’t take it anymore, and I’d always learned something by the end of it. I was always stronger, and happier, and braver for it afterwards.

 

(Lol, random thought– I had a short paragraph of this sort of speculation at the end of one of my Life Writing– for Uni– stories, and my teacher wrote comments to the effect that she was bored when she read it and it wasn’t necessary. It was the most important part for me, lol! But I don’t think she agreed with my sentiments, so she didn’t care, I guess? Anyway, if I’m boring you now with my overly passionate piety, feel free to scroll down ;D)

 

Anyhoo, it’s just been another experience that has reminded me how great everything is, how I should keep doing my best to do life well, and how God’s always got my back. I really hope I can be worthy of all His help. I feel so grateful.

 

Iiiiiin other news, Luke is still amazing. I would actually use the word ‘dreamy’ to describe him. That’s right. Cringe, all of you! I am unashamed.

 

And finally, I’ve been reading books like Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Madame Bovary for Big Books (Uni topic in which the books are so intimidating they actually name the topic ‘Big Books’) and I recently realised properly that this stuff wasn’t just imagined scenario. It wasn’t just extreme cases of womens’ oppression. It was the reality for generations of people. If a woman got raped and people found out, she would be ostracised, most likely couldn’t marry and hence couldn’t live… In the most unlikely best-case-scenario lives in which a woman happened to be able to meet and marry a man she loved, it STILL sucked! She couldn’t do anything! She had no respect or rights– what is even going on? It’s just so hard to believe that our society was born of such horror. It’s so hard to believe that people could be so terrible. And somewhere, right now, they still are that terrible. It just blows my mind.

 

Well, I’m sure I’ve been typing for way too long now :P

 

I hope your life is amazing :D Take a deep breath and really feel how good it is to have air in your lungs. It’s fairly nice ^^

 

Miranda

Cannoli

That awkward moment when you miss your class because you take too long finding something to wear because no matter what you put on you still feel fat and horrible and you end up rejecting it all and wearing what you wore yesterday just because you know it didn’t make anyone gag then, but then you still feel ugly because you’re not wearing a new set of clothes and even more ashamed because this all clearly affects you, and you half-heartedly wish that no one would ever have to see you again. Ladies, am I right? :P

 

I guess this hasn’t been the most amazing year so far. Not really because of anything external, but because I just haven’t been in a good state of mind or something. Being sick for short periods is easy, but when you’re sick all the time everything is harder to handle. I feel like I’m slowly being worn down.

 

I feel like being sick has made me weaker in every respect. I mean, I’m also stressed and sleep-deprived (to the point of losing vocal range and control, which was just effing horrifying) but just with everything coming on top of me, I’m more sensitive and always on the verge of crying :P I’m more susceptible to all of my vices– thinking I’m ugly, generally being hard on myself, etc… Oh, and comfort eating. I’m back to eating chocolate once a day, which hilariously doesn’t help my condition or appearance :P It’s totally perpetual ;D

 

Grer, I’m just complaining though– everyone has things to deal with. But I do appreciate being able to vent a bit here ;D My blog usually catches my lowest moments.

 

Don’t get me wrong though; everything isn’t bad. Things are still great with Luke. The hard thing about our relationship is that we’re so busy and can’t see each other half as much as we need to, lol. And I’m animating and recording music and writing. What more could I want? ;D

 

I was thinking today that the state of my room pretty much always reflects my state of mind. Usually I keep it pretty neat, but when I get sad I just let everything go ;D So I’m going to clean my room now, and do the dishes, and put on my makeup (it’s 3 in the afternoon and I still haven’t done my ‘I’m starting my day’ routine, so I’m going to get onto that) and then I’m going to do some readings and get as much of my uni work done as possible. And eat me a salad for lunch. And it’ll be good. Also, Luke is beautiful.

 

Love to you :] I hope your life is sweet and crisp, like the best kind of cannoli ;D I promise my posts will get more fun and interesting soon ;D

 

Also, I really want a Great Pyrenees one day~

 

Miranda

 

 

Because I’m Just a Bad Person That Way.

Hello :]

 

Yes… I realise I haven’t posted in many a week. But I have many an excuse! I came back from Italy and started uni straight away, so I was a little unprepared for the moving out once again and the insane amount of readings, etc. And I also got sick, as my last post discusses.

 

Well, I am still sick :P I’ve started taking medication to manage it, but I get that sense that the medicine is all that’s between me and constant illness, like that horrible O’week. I suppose it doesn’t matter how I’m avoiding it though, as long as I am. But unfortunately, nothing can cure me completely, so every now and again I am suddenly extremely sick and tethered to my home. Things could be worse. It’s difficult getting people to understand though, when I  feel and look pretty fine at all other times. I had to show my English tutor the only doctor’s certificate I have at the moment, which straight-out stated all my symptoms. It gave her a better impression if what I was dealing with, but I cried my eyes out from embarrassment. But probably also just stress-release. I was pretty stressed. Pretty much anything would have tipped me over the edge.

 

In other news, a lot has happened! So I’m going to list them, and hopefully that’ll stop me from rambling too much ;D

 

• I started helping to animate Her Name Was. Currently I’m working on a shot that involves drawing the protagonist’s hair moving in the wind, so I pretty much never want to see hair again :P I’m finding that animation is (at least for me) an art that’s all about the result. The joy is in seeing the image come to life. But the actual work is SO MUNDANE, lol! I dunno, sometimes I love every second of it though, so I s’pose it just depends on your mood.

 

• Uni is hell right now :P I got my first credit since first year recently. It was only worth 10% and did no crying over it, but I did feel quite satisfied when I ripped it into four pieces and placed it ceremoniously in my bin :]

 

• I spontaneously agreed to do some modelling for the campus photography club, and it was super fun! It was also just really interesting to learn that there is actual skill involved in posing and whatnot, though minimal. Probably the main ‘skill’ is just to be really self-confident and not worrying if you look bad or silly or whatever. And it was all makeup and lighting, but I still felt really happy to just look pretty in a photo xD Check me out, looking all pretty and stuff ^^ http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=oa.373728922661693&type=1

 

• Just as things were getting really hard financially, I won a $5000 scholarship! :D I didn’t pray for it, because it didn’t feel fair or something… and as my dad said later, it never feels right to ask for money unless it’s to save someone’s life or something. But it still came my way. And to be honest, it saved my butt. I didn’t have any shoes aside from a pair of heels and thongs for a while there. And OH MY GOSH, it is amazing to be wearing new bras again :P I forgot what it was like to have ANY SUPPORT AT ALL :P Oh! And I can buy new glasses! :D And a new computer, since it’s always a gamble as to whether the one I have will turn on or not xD Yay~~~ I was also going to buy a violin, but there are two installments– one a semester, of $2500– and considering how busy I am and how much other stuff I need more, I’m going to leave it ’til next semester :3 It’s a massive shame, but time moves fast enough. Oh, and the scholarship comes with an additional$500 book voucher. For a writing student, it’s like a dream come true! :D

 

• Luke is still amazing. …Yep, that’s pretty much it :P

 

• Luke’s sister, Rachael, has auditioned for the Voice, a TV vocalist competition thingo. Pretty cool :]

 

• After experimenting with the fantasy genre for the past All My Life, I recently came up with a story that represented well what I thought the true potential of fantasy was. It was a big fat fantastic metaphor about the challenges of– Oh hang on, I’ll post my little summary (for an assignment) here: The End is the story of a woman’s struggle to escape from a long-term abusive relationship, exploring her conflicted psychological state through the lens of the fantastic. Yay! It needs a hell of a lot of editing, but the gem is there. BUT– I finally manage to write a story like this, and my tutor told me it wasn’t even fantasy anymore. WTH! She said that, if the events were meant to be real, then it would be fantasy. But now it’s something else entirely. People also kept telling me it was written in a more ‘literary fiction’ style, which both made me feel good (because for most academic people, ‘literary ficiton is a synonym for ‘good’) but at the same time it naturally made me want to gag :P Literary fiction is fine and all, but most of it only written in the pursuit of making a work of art rather than simply communicating something poignant, which would naturally make it a work of art. It’s essentially pretentious. So I had a small crisis of identity, but decided it WAS effing fantasy still. Just because it didn’t fit into the usual stereotype of the genre didn’t mean it wasn’t a part of it. I think too many people are too busy defining fantasy as ‘average but popular writing’ and literary fiction as ‘good though not popular writing’. Maybe my writing was a new (as new as anything can be these days) way of using fantasy, but it was still fantasy. I’m sure of it. Because I didn’t go out and say, ‘Hey, this is allegory.’ I just told the story, and it just WAS allegory, the way all fantasy is anyway. So there. *deep breath* Rant over.

 

• I’m recording an album of my music in the mid-year break with an old Hall friend of mine, Sam. It’s going to be great! And the lovely Matty will be giving me some piano accompaniment, so I feel that the whole thing will just be wonderful. Both in result and process.

 

• I’ve joined the Speakeasy committee, and I’m looking forward to illustrating some more stories in the next zine! ^^

 

• I’m writing the soundtrack to what looks like will be a really gorgeous animation called Precipice. It seems absolutely perfect for my music style, so I simply cannot wait to begin.

 

• I’m going to do lots of work over these holidays (in advance for uni and just because I want to for my other projects) so that next term will be a bit easier. I’m excited!!!

 

There are plenty of other things I could talk about, but my mind is just too full of objectives right now… so I’ll leave you with the basics.

 

Please have a wonderful day :] I’m going to go mop, read the Tenant of Wildfell Hall for uni, then probably give up and do some animation :P The Tenant is fairly dull… let’s be honest.

 

Much love,

 

Miranda

Beneath His Steps

I’m kind of scared. In a weird way.

 

You see, I have this thing that makes me really sick when triggered by stress. There’s no cure, because it’s not a disease. There is literally nothing I can do. I can kind of ease it by doing certain things, but that’s it. It’ll always be this way. The thing is, it wasn’t so much of a problem until last year. It just… got really bad. When it started, it was just once a week, at a regular stress peak, where I’d get super bad stomach cramps and feel nauseous and horrible. It was rather inconvenient, especially because it was always sudden and would happen no matter where I was or what I was doing. But it wasn’t too bad. And eventually it stopped being so regular anyway. It became random, though also at least once a week, and every other day I would just get more mild stomach cramps that I could ignore. (These were fine. These, I was quite used to, because it comes with the territory. Really, I never had it very bad at all until recently.) So then in the last few months of the year it just got really bad. It was every few days or so, I’d get the cramps and nausea, and often I’d just feel a little sick.

 

Then I went to Italy, and for some reason I didn’t have much of it at all. Maybe once every week or two, it’d happen, but aside from that I felt like, totally fine for the whole time. It was crazy. And weird, because traveling, though amazing, left me on an almost constant peak of stress. I guess it was just different stress. And every step was just one step at a time, without other steps all swirling around in my head. I had to get somewhere. And once I got there, I’d rest and deal with the next problem. But then I came back, and I had to pick up the many reins I just dropped when I went to Italy, and I feel kind of overwhelmed. There are so many things I need to get done: just little organisational things, but I need them done ASAP. And I can’t remember them all! One job flashes into my head, and I get it half done when I remember another and do that, and the list never ends and Uni will be starting soon… I’ just don’t know how I’m going to do this. I will, of course, but I’m just worried.

 

Anyway, so for the past few days I’ve just had it really bad. Multiple waves of it in every day, and just feeling sick for all the bits in between. I don’t understand, and I feel like it might not ever stop. Because there’s never any way to tell if it’s going to leave me alone for a bit. I’m a little overemotional right now, but it’s making me scared. I know it’s got to end, but you know how it is. I have to see a dietician or something as soon as I have the money, because I need to reduce this problem as much as I can. It’s affecting my life now. I had to miss something today that I was really looking forward to. And yesterday, just before I went to a meeting, it got me. Pretty bad. I went anyway, and thank goodness it got better, but holy hell. I’d have a serious problem if it hadn’t got better. I need to be able to live. I need to get this dealt with ASAP.

 

Anyway, I’m going to talk about happier things now :P I’m going to say right now that I am so insanely lucky to have Luke. Holy WTH. So get this: Valentine’s Day. It’s the day after I’ve just got back from Italy, so I haven’t had time to really think about anything back here in Australia. So Luke has the whole day already planned. And he’s made it all relaxing because he knows I’ll be tired. We go to a super pretty spot among the hills that he’s scouted out when he’s had a moment, and we just lie together for a while, listening to the river and the leaves and whatnot. I could have stayed there forever. (Until I starved or whatever, but you know. Romancyness!) And then he takes me to that last of his three favourite restaurants in town, and pays for this amazing meal (I also have literally no money– I have nothing but debt since I got back from Italy– but he’s all like, ‘It’s cooool, I’ll just pay for everthingggg~’) and holds my hand and acts like he’s fortunate to be with me instead of the other way around, and then we go and see a movie. And by then I’m dead as, so he takes me home and we fall asleep together. I haven’t told you about what he gave me for the ole’ V day. Okay. So he was going to get me flowers, but since he has to drive 2 hours to my house (which he does all the time, by the way, since I don’t have my own car) he’s worried they’ll wilt. So he researches on the internet and does a few practice runs and then MAKES me and effing bunch of FLOWERS out of coloured PAPER! O_O WTH!!! Who does that??? Who is that amazing??? He doesn’t exactly have a lot of free time, either. He MADE me FLOWERS O_O He MADE them. O_OOOOOOOOO! And they were effing well beautiful! <3 <3 <3

 

I’m sorry, but I’m sure I can’t be alone in my utter astonishment about this man. This isn’t even unusual for him. It seems impossible that he’s a man. Or even human. I think he might actually be MORE considerate than me, and I never thought that would happen in a relationship. I mean, I do my best to be considerate, but he just goes further. He’s always making sure I’m comfortable or asking if I need anything– come on, this is antonymous with the word ‘man’. I would not blame you if you thought I was lying.

 

I do everything I can to make him happy. I thought I was a good girlfriend before, but Luke just makes me want to give him everything I possibly can. Now I do way more than I ever would have before. And I love that we both work at making each other happy, so there’s never any necessity for selfishness. You know? There’s never any reason to pull back and protect yourself. I mean, at least I think he’s happy too. Surely he wouldn’t do things like this, or he’d tell me if he wasn’t O.o

 

New example. Yesterday, I needed to go to that meeting, and it was from 5:30 to 6:30, and Luke drove me there, and just effing well hung around for an hour until I was done. Are you serious??? Who does that??? Although I’ve resolved to do my very best to only ask if he’s sure once now, because I don’t want to annoy him, and essentially repeating the question is disrespectful because it assumes that he can’t make his own decisions. I don’t know if I managed to only ask if he was sure once or not, but I did let it go. But he’s as busy as I am, you know? He ended up being efficient anyway, and dealing with his emails on his phone while he waited. So that makes me feel a lot better. But then he also went to a gelateria (I don’t know what they’re called in English, oddly) and chose flavours carefully and timed it so that it would be ready when I got out of the meeting. I didn’t have my phone on me, so I only managed to ask what time it was when I was late by like ten minutes and left then. And I came out, and he was waiting there with it all half-melted and he wasn’t even remotely angry or anything. And he offered me either lemon and strawberry or tiramisu and pavlova. I went for the former, and we walked back to his car eating it and quickly licking up the drips, and it was all melty but it the best effing icecream I had ever had :P It made me so happy. God, it doesn’t even end there. I drop my spoon on the pavement and he gives me his spoon. Happily!

 

WHAT IS GOING ON??? I feel like Luke might be some sort of mistake of Fate, and maybe he’ll turn into a black hole or something when he dies, or rips in time will open beneath his steps. No one is that selfless. Except him. I love him so much. I’ve gotta think of more things I can do for him :P

 

Whew! In other news, I now have a pass to both the Fringe and the Adelaide Festival with both my name on them and the word ‘Media’ in capital letters. Oh my gosh. It’s the coolest thing ever :P I’m ‘Media’! xD I also have my first set of free tickets to the shows I’m reviewing. Suddenly this nice opportunity has become much bigger. I’m so excited!

 

So things are definitely a lot better than they seemed when I began this post :] Thank you, blogging! ^^

 

Have a great day~~~

 

Miranda

The Return

I am home :]

It’s the most wonderful feeling. The further I went away, the more I could feel my loved ones being unraveled like balls of string in my heart so that they could remain connected to me from the other side of the world. And they were still with me, but the string that usually stayed gathered close and now held us together left an empty space inside me that flooded with sad. And when I returned, knowing that every step took me closer to them, I felt the space slowly fill until my heart was full to bursting with happiness again, the way it should be.

I looked out of the window on the plane as we descended over Adelaide and couldn’t have been happier to see our amazing ugly city ^^All grids and cement and red roofs, and it was so familiar. The plane trip was like purgatory, so I found it hard to connect my life in Australia and Italy and there were times on this trip when I wondered if I’d ever been here in Australia, if I could ever return… And when I did, I saw everything as if through a dream rather than a memory. It’s so odd being back among gum trees and yellow fields and warm air. Different countries have entirely different aesthetics, moods, textures. And Italy was like the polar opposite of Australia: ancient rather than new, with trees whose branches reached down so that snow would slip off, and cold and full of vivid colour. Australia is dry, with muted colours and smooth, pale trees reaching up into the empty sky. That might make it sound bad. But it’s warm and comforting.

I wasn’t sure what I’d do when I saw Luke again. I thought I might cry or something from the sheer relief of it. And I did weep a little at times, on the car trip home as I realised over and over that he was here, actually here, but I don’t think he noticed because I stopped very quickly. It was anything but a time for crying ^^” I saw my mum, Luke, and my dad as I was coming up from the plane through the gate. It was like an overload and my eyes tried to look at all of them at once :P My mum hugged my so tight I couldn’t breathe xD And then I went to Luke, and resisted hugging him forEVER and moved on to my dad :P I forgot how effing cosy my dad’s hugs are. For those playing at home, my dad’s big :P When my friends have met him over the years, the first thing they usually tell me afterward is that he’s huge. This is because he is. And hugging him is like hugging a bear ^^

Anyway, I got home and gave people their presents and showed my pictures and souvenirs, and stayed up as long as I could (which was until like 10:30. I’m sorry, but that’s impressive for someone who’s had only an hour of sleep in the last 48 hours. I was falling asleep all day ;D) and then slept. The parents decided to buy me a double bed while I was gone, because Luke and I struggle to sleep well when smooshed into a single bed (basically we have a pattern where one of us sleeps well and the other doesn’t– I think it’s based on whoever gets to sleep first, but it’s only a theory) and they wanted me to be able to sleep when I got back :P So we got to stay together <3 I pretty much only got up for meals in the next 24 hours, so I was basically lying next to him for all that time. He slept a bit too, since he’s been pushing himself insanely hard as always. (And now I’m clearly behind him in the success department– I leave for one month and when I come back he’s been making all these films and scoring more jobs??? He totally did it on purpose xD I have some serious catching up to do…) So I didn’t feel bad about being unconscious for pretty much the whole time after I got back ;D

Anyway, it’s a shame, but though I was finally getting better before the plane trip, I’m now insanely sick all over again… I’m pretty sure it’s the same cold, only mutated for the second time, because it’s had so much time to hang out in my body >.>” Cryface. I’m just so sick of feeling like crap Dx

The most amusing challenge was getting used to using English again with people who served me or whatever. On the plane from Italy to Dubai it didn’t matter so much because the flight attendants all spoke both languages, expecting there to be a bit of both. Although even then it was awkard, because the flight attended would be like,

‘Something in English?’

‘Si, qualcosa in Italiano,’ I’d reply.

‘Oh, qualcosa in Italiano.’

(At this point I’d realise my mistake) ‘Yes, something in English, thank you.’ By then she just looked confused and nodded ^^” It wouldn’t have been so bad if this was the only awkward incident >.>

It’s crazy though– it really got beyond a few little favours that could have been coincidence to any skeptic when I prayed for things by the end of the trip. I don’t remember a time when God hasn’t answered my prayers, even if it’s not in a way I expect. And during this trip, I asked for a few really simple things, like, just if possible, because he doesn’t HAVE to help me, but if he decides it’s a good idea, well, his power is limitless, so I can never feel bad about just asking. My most common prayer (and wish, on a side note) is for everything to be alright. I made that prayer a fair bit when I was lost or exhausted or lonely in Italy. But on the way home, because I knew I’d be uncomfortable and I wasn’t sure how I’d get through it (mainly because I can’t sleep on planes) I asked (I know it’s silly, but I SAID ‘if possible’) if I could get comfortable seats on my planes. I hoped for a seat with access to the aisle, and maybe even a little space, if someone wasn’t sitting next to me or if I was next to a window.

Now, I’d managed to pre-order seats on the first two planes. In the first, I chose a window seat in a row set with only two seats (it was near the back). There was a seat booked next to mine that would block the aisle, but I imagined it would be easier to charm one person out of their seat so I can go to the loo rather than two. I got on this plane, and it slowly filled with people, and we took off. And the seat next to me was empty. Despite the fact that it had been booked when I chose my seat, it was empty when we took off. So I had a window seat (which gives you a little extra space and a great view, with the seat next to me empty so I could cross my legs and generally get out of the tetris-zig-sag-sitting-shape that you were trapped in otherwise. It made the nine hour flight a million times more comfortable. I know this seems like a really petty little wish on my part, but it’s little things like this that made the difference for me on this trip, from breaking-down-and-crying-Miranda to setting-jaw-and-continuing-Miranda. And I’m sure plenty of you are also wondering what my problem is in the first place. But for me, flights are unbelievably stressful when they’re international and I’m alone and it’s only my second flight ever, and I have more than one change over and I won’t get to sleep for the 48 hours I need to do it all. So for me, this slight change in the seating arrangements meant a lot.

 

Anyhoo, next I had the big 14 hour flight of doom :P That one had almost all the seats booked when I checked online, so I couldn’t get a window seat but instead I chose an aisle seat. I figured I’d be okay, being able to get up when I needed to. But I get on the plane, and everyone sits down, and guess what? The seat next to mine is empty. Let’s just also note that the seat next to mine had, like the last, been booked when I booked my seat. I couldn’t believe my impossible good fortune. I spend the whole flight sitting in comfortable positions, not having to try to converse with anyone despite severe lack of sleep, and pretending I could sleep. Oh, and thanking God :P

 

It doesn’t even end there! I couldn’t book my seats at all for the last hour flight from Melbourne to Adelaide at all, so didn’t hope for much there. But I looked at my ticket and calculated that I had an aisle seat! I was so amazed and happy. I waited for the six hours between my flights feeling way better about it. So THEN I got on the plane, was seated, watched the rest of the plane fill up with people (there were very few spare seats) and realised, when I was feeling the most sick and horrible and really needed to be alone, that I had the entire row to myself. I moved to the window seat and closed my eyes to dull the nausea for almost the whole way home. I’m sorry, but how could I possibly have been that fortunate? It was just so specifically perfect and improbable. I know it was God.

 

It made me feel really weird, like, not only super thankful and stuff, but also… I wondered why He was always so insanely generous with me. Don’t even get me started on the other amazing things He’s given me in life with or without my request. He’s given me everything I could possibly need to feel safe and happy, for it to be easy for me to become who I am, and then to always improve myself. And more. My first reaction to this is the conviction that I must not ever fail Him. I want to carefully watch for times when I could do the right thing, and I’m going to do it. Because He made it so that I would feel this way, and I would. I think he wants me to use this feeling to make myself a better person. But why? Why am I so fortunate? I know plenty of people who complain of unanswered prayers. Although their prayers must surely just be answered in ways they don’t expect or notice. Well… I can’t know what God thinks, but no matter what the result remains the same. I want to make sure I give as much as I can to the world, for Him. I don’t so much know how, but I’m going to give everything I can. Because I think that would make Him happy. And I love Him ^^

 

Wow, that became a pretty spectacular tangent xD Moving on!

 

Ultimately, I think what I learned from the trip to Italy is that I can do anything. I knew that, but now I really know it. Some things are really hard for me. Like reading maps. But I’ll always get there, no matter how long it takes. I guess it’s more that I just proved to myself just how much I can deal with for the sake of whatever it is I have to do. I can drag 30 kilos across 3 kilometers to find the train station. I can walk for however long I need to until I make it home. I can climb a giant-ass hill while carrying a laptop and being epically sick :P I can get something done no matter how people stare at me and think I’m stupid. I can sit still for 14 hours despite having no sleep, losing feeling in my legs, and having back pain, and then I can make it to next plane. These things probably sound like nothing much to you. But I feel proud. I don’t think anyone in my family would believe I’d done those things. They would have expected me to sit down and cry. Maybe I stopped to cry sometimes, but then I kept going. I’d never stop. I’m not weak at all.

 

Well, this is a long post ^^ I actually have plenty more to tell you. Valentine’s Day on Tuesday was amazing, and then I went to see Tim Minchin perform because Luke got tickets for his 21st birthday. And then I spent four lovely days with the boyfriend to make up for lost time. It was such a relief :3 And I had my first day back at work yesterday! And tomorrow I’m moving into the Village (university on campus accommodation)! I’ll tell you about it next time :D

 

Everything will be alright ;D Have a great day!!!

 

Miranda

Verona on Ice

A quick update!!

First of all, I’m sick of seeing a male protagonist being the only one who can save the world. I want a girl to do a heap of badass things and save a guy (who isn’t emasculated by her capability) all the time instead of vice versa. And I want to see her do it with all of her clothes on. Please!

In other news, I’m also still in Italy. And it is SO COLD!!! Nikki and I had our train to Verona cancelled due to ice and trees fallen over tracks, so we stood, freezing, in the train station for an hour before we could find a train that we could take to Padua then swap to another to finally reach Verona. It was so cold. We crossed the mountains through tunnels and emerged every now and again to see flashes of white outside, a snowstorm beating at the windows, with ghostly shadows of trees and buildings in the background. As we reached Verona the snow stopped and we could see the world was already buried in it. Trees and fences and people were blots of black ink on sheer white. It was beautiful, and simultaneously I knew it was dangerous for everyone to have so much snow.

Today we took a train to Venice for the day, and there was snow frosting some of the seats through holes in the windows. Speaking of snow, we emerged from our apartment this morning to find the cars and footpaths of Verona blanketed in white. It was slippery on the icy bits, but where the snow was thick and untouched, it was just soft and made tiny cracking sounds underfoot. I took a glove off and dipped a hand into the snow on a bridge railing, and it was so soft! Freezing, and yet softer than anything. We blew against the railing and puffs of white fluff would burst in front of us. It was amazing!

 

Venice was thankfully not covered in snow or wracked by storms, though there were islands of ice lining the canals and floating in the water. I visited the Basilica di San Marco, which was spectacular. The arched ceiling was covered with the shimmering scales of mosaics in golds and blues. I climbed up to a balcony overlooking the main room and touched the mosaics myself . The floors were endlessly detailed mosaics of marble in every colour imaginable, spiraling and swirling around the basilica.

 

I also visited the treasury, where I found a bunch of flowers made of gold growing out of an ornate gold pedestal, and a tiny diorama of a ship tossed upon oceans of mother of pearl. There was also a huge mural of multiple tiny biblical images, entirely of gold and scattered over with countless precious gems.  I thought about it, and I decided that the word for this place was ‘glorious’. Such grandeur always makes me wonder how much it’s about celebrating God and how much is just a demonstration of power for the Catholic church, so the place has an odd combination of impossible beauty mixed with a dull sense of distaste as my more cynical side wonders what the motivation for building such marvels really is. But it’s definitely a sight to behold.

 

Carnevale in Venice is on the Saturday I’ll be arriving back home (fairly devastated I’ll miss it, but I’m ready to go home) so there were people dressed up, roaming the streets and having their photos taken with tourists in preparation for the event. Carnevale must be something really special.

 

Meanwhile, we had a quick look around Verona, visiting the arena and Juliet’s house. The arena was naturally impressive, and the air in the tunnels beneath it felt thick with history. So many others had walked there– gladiators, officials, servants, and finally the tourists of our age. Juliet’s house was covered in graffiti, but the gate with all the padlocks on it (people in love attach a padlock to her gate as a symbol of their undying love and throw away the key) was beautiful. Nikki and I couldn’t resist following tradition and touching the statue of Juliet’s right breast for luck. Hilariously, her right breast was shiny and worn down. I hope there was still some luck left :P

 

This morning we attempt to train it back across the mountains to Rome. I’m feeling kind of optimistic… Although it feels like I’m a traveling bad luck charm, because everything that can possibly go wrong for me seems to just go wrong ^^” And the more tired I get, the more I get clumsy and drop things and forget things, and everything just becomes harder and harder. I’m praying though for a safe and comfortable (as possible) trip, so I’m hoping this will counteract the sheer amount of protestation the universe seems to be making about my traveling. I can’t believe how cold it is… I rug up in thermals and wool and softshell, and I might as well be wearing nothing as the wind rushes through me as if I’m insubstantial. My face stings with the cold. It’s beautiful in the snow, but simultaneously so scary. Apparently 260 people in Italy have died from the cold so far. Crazy.

 

Anyway… I go through stages of being elated about being here and then just feeling miserable and wanting to go home :P I’m just getting very, very tired. But I’m so glad I came. It’s been worth it, absolutely.

 

Well, my friends, it looks like I won’t have access to internet until I get home now, so I won’t be blogging again for a few days. Wish me luck!!! I clearly need it ;D

 

Vi voglio bene! Be well~

 

Miranda

Homesick like a Boss (Self-Pityyyyy :P)

Just thought I’d write a quick post because I’m sad, and people blurt out pathetic things when they’re sad :P

 

I had a bad day yesterday, essentially. I went to the post office to send some crap home, waited for half an hour in line only to be met with a less than sympathetic Italian woman who spoke epically fast, without any variation of vocab or slowing when I apologised for not knowing much Italian and asked for it, and looked at me like I was a total idiot when I didn’t understand. Surely she’s met a few foreigners before, in her job ^^” Anyway, the stress and exhaustion just finally got to me at that point, and there was a serious struggle in my tear ducts for a minute there. So glad I stopped it, because I’m a grown woman now, and crying in public because the post office lady is a bit mean is a bit freakin’ weird.

 

Then I realised I needed my passport to send this stuff, so I ran home in the snow (which was actually really pretty and I would normally have stopped to admire it), got my passport and returned with it for another conversational ordeal. There were also other complications, but you get the picture. I was epically stressed and tired.

 

So after that (3 hours later) I visited the Lindt shop, bought a couple of lovely dolci, went home, collapsed on my bed, cried my eyes out, rewarded myself with the chocolate, and prepared to go out again :P Everyone I knew was going out for dinner that night because we’d finished our final tests and we wanted to say goodbye and whatnot. It was fun, but I left when the drinking and dancing started, around eleven thirty, because I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it and I was already sick. I just wasn’t in the mood. Although Nikki’s recount of later events made it sound like I would have loved it if I’d been healthy. Oh well, happy now :]

 

I messaged Luke just before I went to sleep. As always, I feel lost without him. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore when I’m so far from him—even though I knew very well before I met him who I was and who I wanted to be, and I kind of still do… But it feels blurred. Because it doesn’t feel right, and everything becomes confusing when you don’t feel right. I think it’s kind of like hopping all your life and then finding this other leg that makes everything so much easier, and if you lose that leg you realise that you no longer remember how to hop… You can do it, but not so well…? Because you know you’re meant to have that leg. How are you supposed to go on without it? It’s possible, but it will always be that much harder.

 

Lol… I’m not sure how to explain it :P It’s probably also a less than flattering thing to compare my boyfriend to a leg, but anyway… ^^” The result of feeling so lost is that I move with less conviction, I take steps wrong when I normally know them well, and I kind of have less will to keep moving at all. So I miss the clarity. I think I would have been a lot stronger today if it weren’t for this. I want to go home, and return to myself. Return to him.

 

Katerina told me not to wish away this experience, and I agree. I would never stop appreciating what I have, and not relish this opportunity. Going to Italy has been such a wonderful experience. But the cold and the illness (due to the cold) and stress (due to getting lost all the time and being in a strange place) and exhaustion (due to all of the above) are wearing me down. And those are just the physical things. Being so far from my loved ones—I feel like it has the greatest affect on me, like it erodes me. The part of me that matters: the part under my skin and bones and even beneath my thoughts. The part that is me. Whereas, travelling seems to be a part of who Katerina is. It relaxes her. And I’ll always love travelling too, but I will also always look forward to coming home. I need to come home. I’m not ungrateful or unhappy that I came at all! But… But home. Luke.

 

I should really go; I have to clean the apartment and pack my suitcase for the journey to Verona. Maybe I’ll see Juliet’s ghost ^^

 

Anyway, sadness is done. Onward! To Verona, to Venice, to Rome, and then Australia <3

 

Be well!

 

Miranda

 

 

 

 

Crystal Silence

It’s snowing in my lovely Firenze <3 We woke up to see the roofs dusted in white yesterday morning, and today on the way to school it actually snowed on us!I expected the big dumpling-sized puffs of ice that you see in cartoons, but it was just like really light, tiny white things drifting down onto the streets. Snow has this amazing silence to it. It’s like clear, smooth, crystal silence. It adorned our clothes and hair, and swirled around our feet when we walked. The cold has suddenly become so much more worth it :P

 

Nikki is crazy happy about it– she stands and waits for snow to land on her hands or her head so she can say, ‘Snow fell on my hands/head!’ and jumps in piles of snow that people have brushed off cars and whatnot and then says, ‘I’ve trodden in snow!’ It’s pretty adorable, actually. It’s funny though because this is the first time I’ve seen snow and Nikki’s seen it heaps of times :P While I find it beautiful, I’m more of a quiet appreciater of snow. I think if it weren’t so insanely cold I’d be more up for frolicking ;D Goodness me, I sound like such an old fuddy duddy maluddy puddy. I really love it, but my reaction to this is being quiet, so I can observe it more carefully. Please beliiieeevvvve meeee xD

 

So I went to la Galleria Academia on Monday and finally saw the statue of David :P I was wondering why everyone was so impressed by this one sculpture when there are so many lovely pieces, but there really is something uniquely compelling about David. He’s insanely out of proportion, and yet simultaneously he seems perfect. I think what makes him so interesting and beautiful is his remarkable naturalness. He’s seemingly not posing, like so many other sculptures, and this combined with the minute details, like the veins int he back of his hand, and the small undulations of the muscles in his legs, makes him seem almost alive. His character is also expressed extremely well in his posture and his eyes. I think it’s hard to give eyes depth when they’re made of flat grey stone, but David’s are intense. And looking at the different angles of his face gives you different dimensions to his emotions. From one angle, you can see his intimidation as he’s about to face Goliath, on another, his fierceness, etc, etc. Like a real person.

 

I’ve decided that the best sculptures are the ones that sell the illusion of making stone appear soft– in fabric or skin, or hair– and making eyes appear emotive. Luigi Pampaloni was one of my favourite sculptures at the Galleria Academia; he sculpted a lot of really sweet things, like a sleeping cupid or a boy cuddling a dog. I prefer artwork that really shows culture or mood.

 

 

Anyway, I also really loved the Prisoners– a collection of unfinished statues by Michelangelo. Google images that shiz. They were aptly named, like figures trapped in stone, only half emerged and frozen in time. They looked ghostly, petrified, trapped in a silent storm of rock. It was the most affecting sight. I may have loved them even more than I loved David. I also briefly visited the musical instruments, and met a double bass that was taller than me, and played a metal bowl by wetting my hands and rubbing the handles. It made this amazing deep whistle. So that was fun. Tell you what though, I hate looking at paintings of martyrs being tortured. It’s horrific. I feel like it’s meant to show their honour, but to me it just looks like glorified suffering. It just gets quite unpleasant after you’ve seen so many…

 

It’s so effing cold right now in Florence. If I have to walk facing the wind, my eyes water so that it looks like I’m crying everywhere I go :P I wandered around, browsing for a bit after visiting the gallery, and I visited the official Lindt chocolate store. OH MY GOD. So amazing. In Australia I’ve only ever seen about 5 flavours of Lindt chocolate, but in this store there were countless!! Oh, so amazing. I bought a few, of course. It was absolute heaven. Just thinking about it makes me want more. More!!

 

But it got me thinking: Why doesn’t Australia have any of these awesome things? Why don’t we have shops full of gorgeous fitted leather jackets, leather bags, decorated gloves, gelati, rich chocolates and pastries, quills and leather bound books… These things are all clearly awesome and people would buy them. Maybe I just haven’t sufficiently explored Adelaide. And considering how small Adelaide is, I imagine it doesn’t represent the whole of Australia so well either. But still! I’m sure at the very least, we have nothing in comparison to Italy on these fronts. Why must this be???

 

Lol, it’s funny though, I went into a store I’d been admiring for ages recently– the clothes there were so beautiful, so interesting– and I knew it would be expensive so I wasn’t buying, but still surely there’d be nothing over 300 euros… I looked at one dress, not even one on display, and it was 880 euros!! WTH! It appears I have disturbingly expensive taste ^^” But seriously, it is so painful coming here without enough money really to buy clothes. If you’re not that into clothing and come to Italy, you’ll want to buy clothes. If you like clothing a lot and come to Italy, you will want to buy ALL the clothes :P

 

Well, I must dash. I’m mailing home some clothes, books, a leather mask and a wooden sword today. As you do ^^

 

Have a great day~

 

Miranda

 

 

Wistful in Santa Croce

Ciaooooooooo~

 

I realised today that mornings are rife with temptations.

‘I could just stay in bed.’ You get out of bed and go shower.

‘I could just stay in the shower.’ You get out of the shower and go eat breakfast.

‘I could just stay in my apartment.’ You go to school…

But seriously, I never thought before of the hardships we face every morning, when we’re in our most vulnerable, sleepy state! O_O Ah, the challenges of first world country living. Don’t even get me started on the ordeal of choosing between the sweet or the healthy cereal.

 

So this weekend was pretty relaxing, oddly. I didn’t end up seeing David, because Nikki pointed out that it’d be better to see him on a weekday (because there would be less other tourists buzzing around then) so I decided I was willing to wait to see him on Tuesday. Unless I have some uncharacteristic energy to burn after school on Wednesday (on a FREEZING day, no less) I probably won’t see the Palazzo Vecchio, but Nikki went and apparently it’s just an inferior twin to the Palazzo Pitti. I’m not sure how true that is, but I’m going with that plan so that I don’t regret anything :P This coming week is going to get crazy cold. It’s been pretty pleasant recently, around the 5 degree Celsius mark, but (for example) Thursday is going to have a high of minus 7!!! WTH! And I was going to send home my big annoying un-used coat… Ah well.

 

We’ve started prepping to leave now, since we’re moving about a bit  between Verona, Venice and Rome after we leave the apartment at the end of this week. We’re trying to eat all the food, finding things we can mail home so we can get through the airport unhindered, making sure we see all the absolute necessities… It feels like I’m going home really soon :P But my plane leaves as late as next Thursday.

 

Anyhoo, I finally visited the Barghello on Saturday, which was pretty much a couple buildings away from my apartment, so it was about time :P It was lovely, of course. I find myself admiring the buildings more than the art in the buildings these days, but I think it’s definitely because the writer in me is quietly memorising the atmosphere, the aesthetics, and imagining what it would be like to have lived here years ago. I was looking out from the back of the Uffizzi the other day at the jagged sea of tiled roofs that has become so familiar to me, and I suddenly realised I was imagining the practicalities of running across them. My characters often find themselves escaping onto rooftops, so it was extremely useful.

 

Speaking of which, I got a lovely wave of inspiration recently and I’ve managed to write almost a full first chapter to Shederow, my novel about spirits, and almost a full first chapter re-write of Rainstorm, my many-years-of-loving-work sci-fi. I’m still struggling with finding a perfect sequence of events for my beginning of Shederow, so I’ll probably re-write, but I’m definitely getting closer to the perfect beginning. Once I have that, I’ll power forward; I know it. As for Rainstorm, it’s a terrifyingly big job to re-write it… But I read some of the more recent chapters of the first draft (so these were obviously better written than the earlier chapters as I was three years older than I was at the start) and I remembered how much I effing loved that story. There was a unique feeling in that story, of fullness and sincerity and love, that I haven’t felt with any of my other works. Admittedly, I try to write every novel with a slightly different overall tone, but I just really liked the tone of Rainstorm. I’ll have to iron out the immature concepts and plot holes as well as the writing itself. It’s going to be insanely hard, but I want to fix it up and maybe one day publish it and get the sequels out. So that was great. Feeling good! I’ve also got my voice back properly, so I’ve been singing frequently again~

 

But anyway—the Uffizzi, to be terribly repetitive, was also extremely lovely. I saw the original Birth of Venus, which was spectacular, along with Spring and the one of a young Venus lying down. I found that all the portrayals of Venus were ethereally beautiful in ways that other images of women never are. I also saw a MILLION portrayals of Mary and the baby Jesus, which is always interesting just to compare the different perceptions of them the artists had. My other favourites (there were many, though I only managed to remember a few to name) were the portraits of the Medici family, a painting of a young boy making a house of cards, a landscape looking out into foggy waters, where old boats faded into the distance, the Allegory of Fire and Air and the Allegory of Earth and Water… I believe I loved everything that the painter of those two produced. There were just so many amazing pieces. Next time I go to Italy, I will bring a notepad and paper so I can write down the names of my most loved artists. For there are many!!

 

Meanwhile, without any natural segue, I find that Italians aren’t very chivalrous. They flirt extremely openly and call you things like ‘bella’ and ‘summer girl’, but then other times they’ll walk right over you if you don’t dodge them on the street, and seem to expect plenty of attention for every compliment they give, so it’s never really giving. At least, that’s what I’ve observed. I’m sure they’re not all like that :P Anyway, I was saying this to Katrina, that they weren’t very chivalrous, and she scoffed and was like, ‘Compared to whom??’ I didn’t say anything, because it dawned on me then that I’d almost forgotten how spoiled I am with Luke. I don’t think he does anything I wouldn’t do for him—little favours, or little romantic things or whatevs, or just telling him when I think it that I love him—but it’s easy to forget that most guys aren’t like that. At least, not to the unbelievable standard that Luke is. I just felt really lucky at that moment :P

 

And really, whenever any speculation comes up about guys my friends think are cute or whatever, I find that I can’t keep up the conversation long because I disregard them all instantly because they’re so dramatically inferior to Luke. It’s weird, thinking that he’s everything I need. It’s just so oddly simple. I couldn’t even consider anything less now, though I definitely would have settled for much less. Because no other guy in the world is realistically that awesome! I’ve been dating Luke for 4 months now (for those of you who know about the 4 month mark with me, that’s impressive) and I still cannot get my head around how he can logically be a man and also be that insanely great. I just makes no sense!!! O_O *head explodes*

 

*head re-assembles* I’m just thinking though, why should Luke’s standard of kindness be overly special? Why is it so rare to find someone so considerate? So effing perfect? I realise that probably he’s just perfect for me, as opposed to generally perfect, but still. I know I’m dead spoiled as a girlfriend. But why is this standard considered to be ‘spoiled’? Why can’t we all spoil each other? I could say it’s because a lot of couples don’t stay together, so maybe it’s because said couples just aren’t right for each other—for example, with my previous boyfriends I put much less effort in, just because each effort was more effort with them, you know?

But I’m sure there are definitely couples that are completely in love that don’t treat each other so super, super special all the time. So maybe it’s just that we all function in different ways. I think Luke and I smother each other with love because we both need to express it and have it expressed to us in return. We function because we both give the same amounts in the relationship, and it makes us happy to do so. Then again, I’m speaking for myself and what Luke’s said to me, but he could be a super evil villain deceiving me, also :P We’ll see. That would be just as interesting, if not as pleasant ;D

 

Back to Italy! I visited the Capella Medici and Santa Croce today, and they were both amazing. Walking into the Capella Medici was like walking into a giant egg lined with patterns of different coloured marble. The altar was decorated with tiny flowers carved out of a million different shades of this gleaming stone. Wow.

 

What I loved most about Santa Croce was the gardens I found around the back of the church. I descended a stone staircase lined with pillars and found myself in a medieval courtyard decorated with trees and statues and hedges. In the second courtyard, I found a well, where I made a wish with a copper coin. And then I sat against a pillar of the walkway that surrounded the garden and told my love I was thinking of him. I would have enjoyed the courtyard more if he’d been there. Everything would be improved by his presence. Oh well… Only a couple more weeks! And I definitely will not wish away this experience. I will just miss him.

 

So I guess I still haven’t managed to not mention him in a post, even though he hasn’t actually been present at any of these outings :P Oh well. I apologise, but you’ll have to get used to reading his name if you’re going to read any more of my posts ^^” I hope you like the letter ‘L’. God I miss him. So, so effing much. At least you’ll get less complaining when I get back to Australia :P And just in time for Valentine’s Day! I’ve never had a Valentine before~ Swooooooon <3 For every year before now, I always waited out the day going through cycles of, ‘Men suck anyway. I’ll buy lots of cats and be a mysterious magical writer living alone in the country, honing her craft,’ and just feeling a bit alone. But this year I get to buy someone a present and eat chocolate (all I know is that there will be chocolate at the moment) and all of that stuff I have never had on the Day of Valentine.

 

To anyone who will be single on that day—if you want someone, go tell them. If they say no, you can commence getting over them, and if they say yes, happy day :D Come to think of it, you should do that if you’re in that situation any day. And to those who are single and don’t want anyone, AWESOME. Being single has perks that no one appreciates when they’re single. Go flirt with some randoms. Buy some cats. Or do what you do every day, continuing your habit of being generally awesome.

 

Indeed, let us all go, and continue our awesome ways.

 

Bed time, and still haven’t done my many hours’ worth of terrifying Italian homework ^^ I never liked the conjunctive anyway.

 

Miranda out!! Like a terror in the niiiiiiiiighhhtttt 8D